En Route

I’ve been in this really funky mood for the past couple days. I’m not exactly sure what it is. I have no clue.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. I’m so excited about next weekend. But i’m not sure what its gonna be like so maybe that makes me uneasy. Sometimes i get scared that these great memories these times i have with these amazing people are gonna go to fast and pass me by. This coming weekend is going to be an awesome weekend. I’m gonna see some people that i haven’t seen since palmer’s wake. I just wanna make sure those moments i’m gonna have with them don’t slip away from me. I want to enjoy them, and cherish them…I think i just need to relax and know that God has this all worked out. He doesn’t want me to be worried or to anxious (i don’t even know the right word).And frankly im not sure why i am? I’ve been praying for God to clear my mind.  Theres just some much going on. I don’t what time to go to fast. Even though i have no control.

Sad to say but we all know the time is coming up. and you all know what it is…we really need to pray for the palmer family. they need all they can get.

LB

I was listening to Circle of Life from Lion King today.(please don’t ask.. i miss my young days of disney) And a verse came up that said “theres more to be done that can never be done” you know like theres so much to be done but of course it won’t all get done…

I hear that everywhere but it just hit me harder today.. I DON’T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING…. i don’t have to be perfect all the time. yes, i should be striving to be perfect but that impossible to be totally perfect. sometimes i feel like i try to be this person and i try to be that person when i just need to BE… i think God knows this too.. we can’t be perfect. we can’t save the whole world in a minute.

I’m so excited about our March gathering. Especially because their are no other people i would rather spend my birthday with then in ohio. Most of you probably know that my birthday is on March 17th (ST. PATTY’S DAY).Of course there are a couple people here in indy that i wish were gonna be there, but i couldn’t ask for more. It was in a weird place though because i have a vball tourney the same weekend but of course im gonna have to miss at least (but of course only one) tourney.. I can’t wait to see everyone. And you all betta be thurrr…. (joking)..

peace not war.

lb

I have this new little tiny, itty bitty love for the cold. Its kind of soothing. I went outside today and it was like the biggest breath of fresh air i’ve ever taken. It was so nice. I just felt really good. But when i was sitting on the bus today breathing in the nice cold air i suddenly got a big wiff of smoke, and gas smell. It was pretty horrible and kind of ruined the moment. But it doesn’t take away from that great feeling you get. So if you are in a cold area of the world and need a break go outside for just two seconds breathe really deeply and let it all out. It Helps!!!

Right now indy just got hit with some major snowfall, like 4 to 6 inches. ITs really pretty but creates kind of a hassle.

I know i say this all the time but its been awhile. I was in Chicago this last weekend for a vball tourney and we did pretty awesome. I love my team and everything about them. Were pretty awesome.

School continues to get harder and harder. I just don’t have that much motivation to do my work, or pay attention. I’m just not enjoying it that much and that really stinks. I’ve been able to make some pretty good friends though..

And the coolest new ever…. THE INDIANAPOLIS COLTS WON!!! yea thats right. indy won. we haven’t won since they came from baltimore. its pretty amazing and if u didn’t watch the game it was a pretty good one.

I’ll be back to write more after that homework is done but until then.!!!

Peace…. be safe….

LB

ya we just love each other so much…

Me and Erin at Xmas..!

The Family at a Reunion

Hey if you go to this site. You can see the volleyball team i made for my Club Travel. Its a pretty cool club. I get to travel to like texas, minnesota and a lot more places. It shows a picture and the roster.. i made the 2 team out of 3 teams.you can see the one team but they are definetly not as good as us.take a peak..(Look at the height of all the girls) WE’RE BEASTS..ha

http://www.capitolsportscenter.com/ccvbc/15_black.asp

The title gives alot about what im feeling right now. Although im still a little lost. This year has probably been the worst year of my life but also the best. 3 people that i was very dear to and that my family was very dear to passed. Me and my sister were in our first car accident. The walk out at v-ball practice. And i don’t know if i was supposed to post this but my mom also got in a car accident and its likely we won’t see that car again. But even though all these horrible things have happened i’ve grown more in this year than any year i think in my life. For instance Palmer’s wake, and Chad’s wake. I met amazing people like Keck, and bishop, and evans. I grew closer to these people in ways i never thought imaginable. With my car accident, i learned the value of trust. Even though its hard to drive in the car alone with my sis now, i’ve got this new trust with her. I know she loves me and always will. With my mom’s accident. I just don’t know what to think. It was pretty scary, and i realize sometimes i treat her like crap and she definetly does not deserve that.

Life has changed for me so much this year. School is so different.  Hard, the people, the teachers its all very different. What i realized though is this year is soon going to be over. It will be 2007 and i think im ready for it. It’ll be weird but i know its gonna be awesome. It’ll be hard going through all the horrible months we went through but that only made me stronger.

I just want to say thank you to all who have helped me personally or my family. We’ve gone through alot this year, and we owe it to you all for keeping us going.

Have an awesome Christmas…

Make love not war!!….!!…!!

I’ve been thinking alot lately about palmer’s wake awhile ago. Its weird or not really weird but its like everytime i go to the Brownhouse i feel like a high, like im in this for good. I want to do this i want to live with God forever and never give him up. And i do believe that i want that but its just does not come easy. Whenever im there it always seems to come easily. I don’t know it just never last when i come back home. I get thrown back into reality. I remeber when i came home from the brownhouse after going when Chad passed and meeting Keck and evans and bishop for the first time that was pretty awesome. But i can remeber coming home and feeling so empty. I don’t know what it was. I wasn’t sad i wasn’t happy mad or whatever. I was just confused. I remeber one night my mom caught me in tears and asked me to talk with her, and it all just came out. I wanted to be back in Cinci and it wasn’t the whole i wanna live with my best friend thing but i really wanted to be there. I already missed the keck and their family. When i was there i was myself. I was who i wanted to be. The people there are amazing and so helpful. I told her that i don’t understand why God would give us people that we respect so much or who help us so much, and then he make it that we all live like across the world from each other. I just didn’t get it and i still sort of don’t. But i moved on. And then when my mom told me about Palmer. Thats when i was really confused. A man like him was gone. What was that. I’ve also grown from them and i believe that many other people have also. When i was at this wake i got the chance to meet some LP people like Jen who i now know even better, and the rest of the keck family and many more people. It was growing time and i also was able to be myself. Especially one night that can never i don’t think be ever put down in words. But i was myself… who i want to be.

But when i came or ever come home, its different. Except for the fact of my family. They are the best to me. and i would not be complete at all without them. They comfort me with that sense i get at the brownhouse. But the minute im not with them. its reality. and i don’t know how to handle myself. I go to school and its hard to be who i want to be. Right now God just doesn’t seem to fit into my schedule…. and right now saying that hurts like i can’t even tell. I want to give God all that he deserves. He kept me and my sister safe, he keeps my family and my friends safe. Im just confused on how to do this. Its harder when you get older. Why can’t we be young forever…

I just wanted to share with you guys whats going on in my head right now. A little of what im trying to sort out.

But i want to give a special shout out to my family. Thanks… no words can describe how much my heart really loves you. No matter how many times i try to be right or whatever else i do to you. i love you. love love love you.

I hope everyone has an awesome christmas, enjoy yourself for awhile.

Make love not war!!!

So its been awhile since ive blogged and i really didn’t want that to happen, but i guess it did.

Life hasn’t been to different besides the accident. Which definetly had its toll on me. So many night i kind of just lay in the bed thinking about all the what ifs but i force myself not to because i know that could lead just to so many things that i just don’t want to get to right now. Im just thankful that God was watching over me and my sis that day.

Skool is tough but everyday i kind of like it alittle bit more. 

Just a random thought but i never realized how much medical bills really are. I mean now i understand what that bill would’ve been like for amy palmer and im so grateful it was taken away. Being healthy is expensive.

I really miss my friends that live all around the world. The kecks in vermont, lp in columbus, the rains, the bishops, the evans, and the list goes on. I think right now im just really thankful i have them in my life and hopefully we will be able to enjoy each others company soon.

Theres a lot more on my mind but not enough room for one post so ill be back (arnold swartaneggar (however you spell that ) )..

So long,

LB